Tree

A few days ago, some friends and I went down to the park and walked around through nature. These are my climbing friends. The friends who see a tree or a rock wall or a telephone pole and are drawn by some mystical magical force to climb to the top.

After climbing a few rock walls and shimmying up some poles, we all spotted a tree. The leaves were so bright yellow, it was if the sun had taken up residence within its branches. Immediately the boys new we HAD to climb that tree, and not just the three of them, no all three girls had to join.

Kyle, Devon and Dylan got up, no problem. Then Danielle, Danielle and I timidly climbed up onto the lower branches. I was worried that the tree might break, or just die under our weight. It must have been a funny thing to see, all of us up in the sunshine-tree, but we just enjoyed the moment.

As we were getting down, I said that I thought the tree was probably relieved to have a break from all our weight. Dylan corrected me and said that the tree was honored to have had all of us in it because trees are made for climbing.

I'm not sure what all of that means, but I realized a few days ago that I only write about things that upset me, so this time I decided to write about a moment I really WANT to remember... And then there are stars, but maybe I'll write about them a different day.

Dreams

I woke up this morning with the whisper of last nights dreams still in my head. They were realistic dreams. Dreams that made me believe everything was happening, and it was all good. When I opened my eyes, I remembered who I really am, where I am, and all the confusion that comes with it. And I wanted desperately to go back to sleep.

Now, I'm thinking of going to bed until class this afternoon. Going to class, then going back to bed until class tomorrow morning. Living my life in the world of dreams.

What's the Point?

What's the point of a blog that no one's reading? And what's the point of a life that no one's loving? What's the point of brushing your teeth when you know you're going to chew gum to keep the bad breath away? What's the point of a guitar if you know you're never playing? What's the point of crying if you know it doesn't make it better? And what's the point of all those books on the shelf that I know I'll never open? Is just knowing that those things are there enough? Or to truly be useful do they need to be used? For my life to be lived, must I truly be loved?

if you're reading this...

i miss you.

Newsletters

I received a newsletter from my friend Brie and her husband Jon, today. I really enjoyed reading it for the humor included, and finding out what they have been up to was awesome. I can't help but wishing I were still enough a part of their lives not to need a newsletter to catch up. So I think I'm going to try to change that.

For your information, when I start sending you all newsletters, it's because I miss you, and I wish you were still in my life. I'm glad you're a part of it right now.

Since my life became chaotic and uncomfortable last semester, I have taken to daily walks around the scum-filled pond at my school. These walks are important for me to escape the normal insanity around me and focus for a brief moment on my own insanity, clearing my mind of gunk. I like to observe the ever-changing life of nature -- the deer, the ice, the flowers, the ducks. Even though my life is a lot more comfortable this semester, I still enjoy the daily habit of returning to nature and getting some fresh air, so I continue to walk around the pond.

During the winter, the pond hibernated. There were no ducks, geese, or even scum. A thick layer of ice replaced the murky water, and a few inches of snow made the pond look like a barren wasteland. I'll admit, the death-like winter was a little depressing, but finally, spring has arrived and the pond has awakened.

The ducks and geese have returned to the pond, and in the spirit of spring, I have consistently seen two pairs of mallards and one pair of Canadian geese, each swimming, hissing, or quacking in tandem with each other as I walk by. I've heard that birds mate for life, and I can't help but wonder how the birds in the pond chose one another. Did the girl mallard see the green head of the boy and decide that he was the one she wanted to swim with for the rest of her life? Did the female goose hear the hissing of the male and decide that he would be a good protector? Or did some other mysterious force of nature bring them together? "What is love, then? Is it dictated or chosen?" (Indigo Girls)

Today, I observed something unusual and unfortunate. As always, I saw two pairs of mallards, swimming away as I approached. Normally at that point in the walk, the male goose would hiss at me, signifying that he wanted me to leave. But he wasn't there. Only the female goose stood on a rock, all alone.

So I am left to wonder if this goose will be like my widowed earring. Will she stand alone on the rock forever, waiting for her partner? Will she die of loneliness? Or will she move on?

A Single Earring

A few years ago, I received a shiny, bluish, greenish, shell-like pendant from my Aunt Angela. I loved the pendant and wore it regularly, even before I had my ears pierced. But once my ears were pierced, I needed earrings to match it. I had nothing of the sort, so I had to resort to small silver hoops, which really didn't complement the pendant at all. For a good six months, I wore my awesome necklace without awesome earrings.

For Christmas this year, my Aunt Pat bought me earrings that matched. I was so excited. I could wear the necklace and earrings with almost anything. And I did. For three months I wore my awesome pendant and my awesome earrings several times a week. Then, tragedy struck.

I had forgotten to wear backings on my awesome earrings, and I had this feeling that I would probably lose one. Loving my earrings and wanting to be a little stylish, I decided I woudl take the risk and wear them without backings. To my dismay, I lost one earring at an Irving gas station. When I finally realized it was gone, I was too late. I almost cried.

Sure, I still have one awesome earring and an awesome pendant, but now the single earring is useless. Two earrings are like life-long partners; one is a widow. I keep my widowed earring with the secret hope that I will one day return to that Iriving and see the bluish, greenish, shiny, shell-like earring waiting for me so I may reunite the separated pair.